This article really caught my attention because it brought up my doubts about it in general. I confided in a male friend who told me that these things really do happen, much more often than we tend to think they do. He had similar experiences that he wasn't exactly too eager to share with me but I could understand easily after reading this material. I was just as oblivious as many others to the fact that this type of cruelty and mental as well as physical abuse is present among young males in our society. I agree that there are certain stories that really do make your childhood out and have a vital role in forming who you are when you are older. Just as the author points out those stories aren't always the greatest to remember or even tell to others. For boys in our society they are faced with a much greater challenge of the taunting that comes from the social roles that they are forced to play. Naturally in a young boys eyes he might think that the others are going to tease him more or that by revealing the truth he might make things worse on himself. Boys are raised by parents and other family to be tough and macho and brave of all things. By telling someone else this purpose is defeated and they become "feminine". (Although we know that this is not the case, in any situation.) Any revealing of their true feelings would be a dangerous move for all involved, and he would become the target of harassment in the future.
My point is that the fear of this harassment and treatment from others ultimately convinces them that they are doing a greater good by not making things public. It is this fear that they all have within them that drives the cycle in which it continues. The fact that I did not know much about it and how much it actually does still happen is just more proof of how much boys keep this under wraps.
This also ties in to the fact that they are just regular human beings trying to feel like they belong to a certain group. Everyone has felt that type of emotion at one point in their life. Boys are convinced that by not following what everyone else is doing that they will no longer be included to join the group or a certain crowd. It is a natural human emotion of course but it is also being driven by the endless cycle of boys constantly teasing and hurting each others feelings with no way of releasing that stress to anyone. I think that the author has a very valid point on this because they are just like any one else when they need to release emotions, but they are not expected to do so on the level of comfort-ability that women have. It is ridiculous to think that as adults the world is constantly trying to get men to share these feelings and be more open and yet as children they learn that they are the ones who are supposed to be tough little men and never fail or show weakness. At least I think it is ridiculous, don't you?
I agree that many male children are subjects to cruelty in out society today. We always tell our boys to not cry, to man up or to act this way. This blocks them from expressing their emotions freely, and causes them to be afraid of being ridiculed if they were to show their emotions. My younger cousins (both boys) never cry or show their emotions because their dad will snap at them if they were too. This is incredibly cruel to cause such a separation from a human being and their emotions. We expect them to keep their emotions in a box and away from the eye of society. And when a male does show his emotions, he is instantly made fun of for it, being called a 'girl' or 'not man enough' etc. We really need to be more aware of the inner torment we are putting boys through by separating them from their emotions. It isn't fair to them that they get ridiculed for being more feminine, whereas if a woman were to act more boyish, they are less likely to be made fun of. Men have a strict, rigid box we push them into, whereas girls are free to choose whether or not they want to be more feminine or more masculine.
ReplyDeleteIn response to Samantha . S on your blog: It is unfortunate that we live in society where every gender experiences some type of cruelty. I believe that a lot of times those who are inflicting the pain of cruelty on others usually have been victims themselves of cruelty. As children when one child is cruel to another, it is considered bullying, and the other children laugh, which is also cruel and embarrassing to the victim. I believe that a child learns bullying either by watching others does it, or they may start off by learning it at home watching it in cartoons, and in cartoons it is funny, but not so in real life. The bully is usually seen as the powerful, and its victim being weak. Nobody wants to be the victim of cruelty and like you said, “We always tell our boys to not cry..,” so we are guilty of definitely teaching them to conceal their emotions. I would think that if a boy has become the target of a cruel act; it would be an emotionally disturbing experience, and they may want to cry or even tell, so they don’t cry because they would be called a sissy, and they don’t tell because it may be too embarrassing, so they keep it to themselves, and try to figure out how to handle the situation the next time, which in most cases may leads to fighting.
ReplyDeleteI think it is just crazy how society make people raise their kid in a certain way. When you said “Boys are raised by parents and other family to be tough and macho and brave of all things.” Homosexuality and Homophobia is something I know first hand about, mainly because I myself am a homosexual male. I have been gay all my life, so I’ve always had to keep close tabs on anything pertaining to homosexuality. Ever since I can remember, I knew that I was different. I’m not exactly sure how I knew that it was wrong and not normal to be gay…but I did… All I know is that I was in the closet and I had to stay there because if anyone found out; my ass was grass. And for most of my childhood and teenage years, I kept my sexuality a secret. I was always so reserved and kept to myself because I feared that if I expressed myself too much, people might find out who and what I really was. So I just tried to be very masculine and try to meet the standards my family wanted. I believe all the expectations society and family has on children is too much pressure for them. Society and our families are basically crafting everyone according to what is normal at the time. In order for kids to be who they really are, we much encourage what they want to do (while keeping close tabs on them of course), and let them learn at a level suitable for them.
ReplyDeleteIt is funny where these cultural norms pop up in our lives. I thought when I first started dating women, that some of the requirements that women seem to have for men would disappear. But in pulling the rabbit out of the hat the only magic being performed was me trying to prove that I was what I said that I was. One measurement of my worthiness to date a female was being a good provider (meaning - my mate has seldom had to work because I do, strange this is the way a man is also judged). I found that in this life women judge you by performance whether it’s in the bedroom or the boardroom. You have to have a strength that is beyond or different than her female strength in order to command respect. Sometimes this is a tough situation, being considered an aggressive woman, who do I turn to when and if I have an emotional need?
ReplyDeleteI also discovered that I am somewhat “old school” which means for me I am chauvinistic about many things. I do not know what exactly is innate about being male/female, but I do know that being an intersexual has not been a catch-all for gender issues.
I do totally agree with you when you said “For boys in our society they are faced with a much greater challenge of the taunting that comes from the social roles that they are forced to play. Naturally in a young boys eyes he might think that the others are going to tease him more or that by revealing the truth he might make things worse on himself. Boys are raised by parents and other family to be tough and macho and brave of all things. By telling someone else this purpose is defeated and they become "feminine" and I think it is true, I do think that there is a lot more pressure on boys growing up than females to play into their role. Boys would get teased for more things than females would by stepping out of their role and it could be very hurtful for boys growing up during adolescence. It can also scar a lot of boys internally if they are teased when they are younger and teach themselves to be and act like something that they are not, and it can cause depression and other symptoms when they get older. But overall good blog, I agreed with you on everything.
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